Shrouded by sadness

Even though the sun still shines and I have love all around me
There is a cloud that will not go away with the wind
will not disappear after the rain
And always blocks part of the sun
But he is with his father and will always be in my heart.

Walking through my days
Living for my present life
Sadness that won’t end

©2020 CBialczak Poetry

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Today is July 1st which will eventually lead to July 16th and one year that my son died.

On my trip down to Florida I stopped at a gas station. At the pumps next to me were two guys on motorcycles. One was on a Harley, one a street bike, like my son’s. I don’t know what made me think of doing it but before I got back in my car I said, “Hey, Be careful. Drivers don’t watch out for motorcycles.” That was it. I just felt like I had to say that at that moment.

On my trip back from Florida a guy on a street bike was riding in front of me. He changed lanes and then ended up behind me. He was there for quite a few minutes. He then switched lanes again and passed me. I saw him ride off into the distance through my tears.

I am so grateful for the people who love me and those who help move that cloud a little to the side each day.

16 Comments

  1. I can’t even imagine the pain of losing a child although my oldest was in 3 motorcycle accidents. Hated motorcycles and just the thought of either one having one broke my heart my oldest had a real bad accident the 3rd time. He has a jumble of wire where they tried to replace his knee and many other injuries.

    He had so many things he wanted to do, but that all evaporated in an instant. My heart broke, but thankfully he did not meet the same fate as your son. I’m not sure You can even handle that loss. My heart goes out to you, God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Jennifer. It has been so horrible. I know a few people sort of “blame” me because I didn’t tell him he couldn’t buy it. He was 19 and he paid cash for it, went and got the license, and insurance. What could I do? One person said threaten to kick him out of the house. Well, he sort of left anyway despite that due to a disagreement but if I had done that I could have missed almost a year with him just for fighting. That would now have been even worse. At least he knew I loved him no matter what.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so sorry. God bless you for saying something to those bikers. Every time I see or hear a motorcycle, I pray for their protection. My husband rode a bike. He crashed six years ago. He survived, but cognitively my husband has not been the same. Sometimes I miss riding, but it isn’t worth it.

    You are a very strong woman.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sorry but honestly the gall of people blaming you for his death makes me so angry.. to go through that heartache and have that said to you…… when i was in hospital for those 101 days I had three people share my ward that came off bikes…. he was doing what he longed to do and that is never on you… I am once again so sorry for your pain… but its a sign of how much you loved him.

    Liked by 1 person

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