On a day like today

On a day like today when I’m missing my son
it’s hard to remember how to have fun.

The sky starts to darken with not even one cloud
the silence is deafening even though it’s not loud.

My heart hurts today just as much as it did
When I had to learn that I just lost my kid.

That is a very dark journey for anyone to face dear lady. I don’t think we should ever see our children go on before us. And in your case more, with the loss of your husband.
But they are in a beautiful place, reconnecting with the part that is truly them and cheering you on through such a difficult time. I use to feel that loss also when someone so close has gone on, and it is important to do so as the grief is an emotion where we come to terms with ourselves, in how we feel about the love and its loss that tears our hearts out so easily. But it is in there that we learn us, those things that hold us in fearful attitudes until we understand them.
Eventually that understanding will show us that other side of who we are and a light will begin to shine and for the first time we will ‘see’ what is truly under it all, and in that moment we will be set free. For also in that moment something else will give a true understanding of our purpose and realise we must face these things in our lives to come through this journey to become something beyond words. The ability to love ourselves.
We look for that love and happiness for what seems like forever, but it isn’t until we realise what we are holding onto that is covering our hearts, that we will understand and let it go. And those covers and masks are our fears built from our childhoods so that we can in fact find us by experiencing both sides of all our emotions, and especially grief, so that we can then appreciate what they are and finally see that beauty we had blocked through not understanding us. We let so much go at these times as we can start to truly realise how our lives are built and what really has importance to us.
And when we finally ‘see’ it all, we will smile deep in our hearts and realise it all has to happen exactly as it has, those good and bad things for us to be set free. And that completeness is like a great weight has been lifted and our lives will be forever changed. Even those terrible losses will no longer be uncomfortable because it will show that those very things had great purpose, they gave you something to be cherished even because it will set you free and give you a love so profound to be beyond words.
Take heart dear lady, it is a very hard journey…but over it all is a love from them both cheering you on ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

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