May 9: Story Challenge in 99-words

To join in go to Carrot Ranch: https://carrotranch.com/2022/05/09/may-9-story-challenge-in-99-words/

May 9, 2022, prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less), write a mom selfie — a story that creates an image of a mom. No one mom looks alike or fits a maternal mold. Who is she? Go where the prompt leads

My Mom Selfie

I lost my mom when I was 23. The hardest thing after was getting married and having kids without her. My mother-in-law was nothing like my mom. I went on to have two fantastic kids of my own. They were so smart and loved learning! We were happy. We moved from our beach community to the woods. I regret it except for the friends I made. My kids were never 100% happy. 

My son passed in an accident, which has left a hole in my heart.
My daughter is beautiful, kind, and smart and perfect! 

I love them both. 

#Writephoto: Out to Sea

KL Caley is the host: https://new2writing.wordpress.com/2022/04/07/writephoto-distance/

For visually challenged writersthe image shows an island across a stretch of water. Upon which you can see some ruins and a white lighthouse.

Some days are harder than others and today is a difficult one. I don’t know what triggers the hard days. I suppose I need this writing to clear my head. Thanks for reading.

Someday

For someday I may see you there
Standing in the open air
Not a figment not a phase
Just my son, the one I’d raised
For now I wait and cry instead
I can’t get sad out of my head
Some days are easy some are not
I try to be thankful for what I’ve got
It doesn’t seem fair to those who live
that I don’t have as much to give
a part of me was lost that night
When you were taken out of sight.

©2022 CBialczak Poetry

The Sunday Whirl: Wordle 535

FInd the prompt here

The Feeling Never Fades

Taking a very long breath
heaving a deep and low sigh
getting a glimpse of the shape
low as it sidles on by
I’m fraught with a moment of fear
that leads to a feeling of loss
thrust in my brain like a chisel
stuck like a rock full of moss
The gap in my memory reveals
the being that might be my love
brought back to life in my heart
fitting my heart like a glove
the thoughts fill the calm with a murmur
and shift through my nerves like a sieve
wishing he’d be back beside me
wishing he’d come back to live. 

©2022 CBialczak Poetry

Despite the true, deep feelings of love I am now lucky enough to feel, losing two important men in my life, within thirteen months of the other, leaves deep scars.

22 Years Ago…

Twenty-two years ago I was blessed with a baby boy. He was beautiful with a full head of dark hair weighing 9lbs 8.5oz. He left the hospital a few days later at 10 pounds!

I miss my baby more than anything…

Happy 22nd Heavenly Birthday Joey!

Coming soon…

The Joseph Bialczak Excellence in Mathematics Scholarship

To be awarded yearly at Three Rivers Middle College Magnet School in Norwich, CT

***Donations can always be made directly to me or on the GoFundMe page: https://gofund.me/409fa746


As I Sit

As I sit here under bright lights with a man I used to know, at the age where death is okay, where modesty is nonexistent, where memories float away as quickly as the stars at dawn, where there is no longer an understanding of where we both should be…I think about my losses, too soon to be explained, too painful to recall, unnatural in God’s original plan, leaving a hole so deep, a void so wide, a darkness that will never see light…I wonder why I was chosen to exist here, why I was picked to be the one to hold on to the wrong hand, why a piece of me is left alone…As I sit here under bright lights the pain deepens, the sorrow floods in, and the unexplained only becomes more obscure…will there ever be an answer, an explanation, a truth to hold onto, knowing that life will continue beyond the bright lights but the questions will always remain?

©2021 CBialczak

Where’s My Joey

By Wendy Monica Winter

I was on Goodreads and this story popped up. It made me smile and feel sadness at the same time. I wrote to the author, Wendy, letting her know why her book title caught my attention and affected me the way it did. She wrote back immediately and told me about why she wrote the book. I let her know that I put my name in for the book Giveaway. She sent me the PDF of her book. It is perfect for me in so many ways that I wanted to share it.

So far away

From the depths of my soul
my heart aches
and I long to hear your voice
if only one more time
so that I can find comfort
knowing you are always with me
even though you are so far away
and I will never see you again.

From deep in my core
I try to imagine how you would be
if you were still here
with me
as was first intended
before God changed his plan
and took you away.

This wound will never heal
This hole will never be filled
This void will never be solid

I am unable to heal
I am unable to feel whole
I am unable to be complete.

God help me understand
why a mother’s heart must break
with no means of repair
and no chance of regaining
what has been lost.

©2021 CBialczak Poetry

From my desk: 05/09/2021

It is a bittersweet day today. I am proud to say that I raised two beautiful children but I am heartbroken that one left this world before me. My beautiful daughter is doing so well and I am so proud of her. I miss my son so very much it hurts more than I could ever explain.

I lost my mom when I was 23. It seems so long ago. I remember thinking that my life was left with a big gaping hole in it. Happy Mother’s Day Mom! I hope you are still watching over me.

I put my house on the market and got an offer the first day. I am so happy that it happened quickly but also so scared to make such a big move. I have done so many updates and fixed things so nicely, why move? But, isn’t that what happens? I am sure that whoever moves in will feel the love within the walls. When the house sells I will get to be back full-time with David but also farther away from my daughter. No decisions are one sidedly easy. But with Lindsay succeeding at her work and being so young and a strong person, she will do fine whether I am a town over or many states away.

I have been inconsistently active on my blog. There is so much that has to get done in a day and I honestly feel like I am on the go 24-7. If you are feeling bored let me know what you do to have the down-time! Lol. I appreciate every person who continues to read my work and “chat” with me. I suppose there will come a day where I can start structuring my time again. My father is so needy that it is often hard to sit and write when he is continually asking me questions or in need of something. He will be 89 next month. Holy cow!

If you continue to participate in Simply 6-Minutes on Tuesdays then Thank you! If you don’t participate yet, check it out on Tuesday. It is fun and relaxing and puts such a smile on my face. Spread the word…It’s all for the fun of it.

Does anyone remember when “Baked Lays” first came out and they were wreaking havoc on peoples’ stomachs? Supposedly whatever they put in their food that makes it fat free also leads to a laxative effect. I learned not too long ago and was reminded the other day that “sugar free” candy also has the same effect on the bowel track. So…if you are feeling irregular try the sugar free hard candies they sell at the Dollar Tree.

That is enough rambling for everyone for one day.
Peace to you all!
Have a very Happy Monday!

©2021 CBialczak

National Poetry Month Scavenger Hunt

Write a quatern poem
https://murisopsis.wordpress.com/2021/03/31/looking-for-poetry/

Living Alone in a Cabin

Living alone in a cabin 
Wondering who might stop over 
Waiting all day by the window 
Hoping someone would come to call. 

Watching the clouds in the blue sky 
Living alone in a cabin 
Thinking that life was just perfect 
Never wanting to tell the truth. 

For hours and hours you wait so still 
Until someone can find you here 
Living alone in a cabin 
Finding solitude relaxing. 

Suddenly your wish is answered 
When you hear a knock on the door 
Open to see who’s to visit 
Living alone in a cabin.  

©2021 CBialczak Poetry
NPM 21