As I sit here under bright lights with a man I used to know, at the age where death is okay, where modesty is nonexistent, where memories float away as quickly as the stars at dawn, where there is no longer an understanding of where we both should be…I think about my losses, too soon to be explained, too painful to recall, unnatural in God’s original plan, leaving a hole so deep, a void so wide, a darkness that will never see light…I wonder why I was chosen to exist here, why I was picked to be the one to hold on to the wrong hand, why a piece of me is left alone…As I sit here under bright lights the pain deepens, the sorrow floods in, and the unexplained only becomes more obscure…will there ever be an answer, an explanation, a truth to hold onto, knowing that life will continue beyond the bright lights but the questions will always remain?
I was on Goodreads and this story popped up. It made me smile and feel sadness at the same time. I wrote to the author, Wendy, letting her know why her book title caught my attention and affected me the way it did. She wrote back immediately and told me about why she wrote the book. I let her know that I put my name in for the book Giveaway. She sent me the PDF of her book. It is perfect for me in so many ways that I wanted to share it.
From the depths of my soul my heart aches and I long to hear your voice if only one more time so that I can find comfort knowing you are always with me even though you are so far away and I will never see you again.
From deep in my core I try to imagine how you would be if you were still here with me as was first intended before God changed his plan and took you away.
This wound will never heal This hole will never be filled This void will never be solid
I am unable to heal I am unable to feel whole I am unable to be complete.
God help me understand why a mother’s heart must break with no means of repair and no chance of regaining what has been lost.
It is a bittersweet day today. I am proud to say that I raised two beautiful children but I am heartbroken that one left this world before me. My beautiful daughter is doing so well and I am so proud of her. I miss my son so very much it hurts more than I could ever explain.
I lost my mom when I was 23. It seems so long ago. I remember thinking that my life was left with a big gaping hole in it. Happy Mother’s Day Mom! I hope you are still watching over me.
I put my house on the market and got an offer the first day. I am so happy that it happened quickly but also so scared to make such a big move. I have done so many updates and fixed things so nicely, why move? But, isn’t that what happens? I am sure that whoever moves in will feel the love within the walls. When the house sells I will get to be back full-time with David but also farther away from my daughter. No decisions are one sidedly easy. But with Lindsay succeeding at her work and being so young and a strong person, she will do fine whether I am a town over or many states away.
I have been inconsistently active on my blog. There is so much that has to get done in a day and I honestly feel like I am on the go 24-7. If you are feeling bored let me know what you do to have the down-time! Lol. I appreciate every person who continues to read my work and “chat” with me. I suppose there will come a day where I can start structuring my time again. My father is so needy that it is often hard to sit and write when he is continually asking me questions or in need of something. He will be 89 next month. Holy cow!
If you continue to participate in Simply 6-Minutes on Tuesdays then Thank you! If you don’t participate yet, check it out on Tuesday. It is fun and relaxing and puts such a smile on my face. Spread the word…It’s all for the fun of it.
Does anyone remember when “Baked Lays” first came out and they were wreaking havoc on peoples’ stomachs? Supposedly whatever they put in their food that makes it fat free also leads to a laxative effect. I learned not too long ago and was reminded the other day that “sugar free” candy also has the same effect on the bowel track. So…if you are feeling irregular try the sugar free hard candies they sell at the Dollar Tree.
That is enough rambling for everyone for one day. Peace to you all! Have a very Happy Monday!
I’m alone on the side of the road as I watch my tire deflate I think about having a beer but by then it will be too late So waiting I sit on the ball as I really have no good seat and wait for the tow truck to arrive as I space out and look at my feet I sit and think, “there is no hope” When in the horizon I see there is tow truck coming along and it’s coming there to help me. The driver was happy to see my good seat He said he played basketball He told me he had never been beat. So I laughed and tossed him the ball.
The dizain gets us back in the French form domain, which as regular readers know is a favorite of mine. This particular form was a favorite of 15th and 16th century French poets, but it has also been employed in English by the likes of Philip Sidney and John Keats.