Grief Support

I am going to be joining a grief support group. I had to choose the “loss of a spouse” or “loss of a child” group and chose the “loss of a child” group. I think this has been more difficult to process than losing my husband. Not that either is easy. I began with watching a video by David Kessler. He talks about the five stages of grief.

One of the points David Kessler makes at the beginning of his online webinar really hit home with me, hence why I am sharing. He said that “grief must be witnessed”. My interpretation of this, based on what he said, is only a simplified version: When someone in our life dies, we are devastated, but life around us continues as normal. This is hard to deal with because it doesn’t just move on for us. He told a story about a village, I can’t remember where the story came from, and that if one person died in the village then that night every person in the village would move one item outside their home, so it is noticeable. I am awful at retelling stories! Anyhow, the point of it is that when the grieving person wakes up in the morning, they see all the changes and it says to them that “see, we are all changed by your loss, it is not you alone.”

This whole thing made a big impact on me as I don’t have tons of people to talk to. My husband passed away a year and a half ago, my mother died 25 years ago, my father has dementia, my stepmother won’t talk about death because it is too sad, one of my sisters stopped calling me, and life has just continued for so many people. I left my job and it didn’t seem to bother the school at all that they were losing me. I don’t know what, if any, of my feelings of loneliness are valid or not, but they are here. I thank God for David and Lindsay. I am thankful to all of my friends who have been supportive and have not expected me to “be over it” already. Honestly, it feels like I will never be over it.

Some day I would like to open a local chapter for the group Bereaved Parents. I know I am not ready now but would like to be helpful to others in the future. Two losses in thirteen months and I feel like a crazy person. The good thing I am learning is that feeling this way is okay, I have a good reason. If you feel like talking or know someone who has lost a spouse or child, pass my name on.

Peace to you all and hopefully this information will help someone else who is grieving.

14 thoughts on “Grief Support

  1. The ABSOLUTE WORST THING in grief is not being able to share it and worse people minimising it. Unresolved grief can dog us in all kinds of ways so to it’s so important to find a witness. This community surely helps. I am so glad you wrote this post. We need to advocate for grief to be recognised and expressed.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my heart just can’t imagine your pain!! I am glad you found my blog. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts and you go through this journey. I do know another blogger who lost her son just a few years ago. She is a sweet soul and I will pass on your name to her.
    Take Care!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hello…I was about to shut down my computer after finally resolving a lengthy pingback issue. Your post title caught my eye. I read it and I can empathize with your feelings which
    ‘yes’ you are entitled to and sadly others don’t share same due to coming from a different place within your life. I have lost ‘two’ of my four children (one 2 weeks prior to his birth) and the second when she had a heart attack at age 28. I lost her June 1995. I can say ‘yes’ it does get better with time although special dates such as birthday and anniversaries are a bit difficult. She left behind two children (then ages 8 and 7) who went to live with their biological father in a state too far in distance for me to travel. Six years following her death I divorced my husband of 35 years. He remarried and since passed away. The aftermath of this tragedy is sad. I was in therapy for 14 years and found it of minimal help. I wish there had been a support group for mothers who lost children in my area since the only ones who understand how we actually feel are those who have walked in similar shoes. Keep in touch if you like and God Bless. June

    Liked by 1 person

    1. June, thank you for sharing your experience with me. My therapist recommended a group, which was actually for kids but it led me to this. It is called Bereaved Parents, grief counseling and they have chapters all over the US. I don’t know how you feel about it but in looking at their website they are looking for volunteers to open chapters near their homes. I believe it is all on your own time, but they provide some help with setting things up and some materials. I don’t know the details. They prefer that the person setting up the group have lost their child or spouse over 16 months or something like that, which makes sense. I would love to open one closer to me, this one is about 40 minutes away, but I would be too much of a mess to do anyone any good at this point! I will let you know what else I learn but one of my points of blogging was to have a place for people to connect in all areas, not just grief. It is amazing how many people fall in the grief category of spouse or child, which is so sad. But if I can help one person it is worth it.

      Liked by 1 person

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