Loss leading me to live: Sunday Writing Prompt

Sunday Writing Prompt “Life Changing” https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2020/02/23/sunday-writing-prompt-life-changing/
So for this prompt I want you to think of something or someone that has changed your life and discuss in what ways your life changed. It could be a medication, a piece of technology, a near death experience, an epiphany you had while in the shower, a television show, a sibling. The possibilities are endless!

In 2018, I became a widow. I was told by several people that I would need to get used to my new life. When I heard this, I knew it was true, but it was unfair, because I didn’t choose any of it. In 2019, I lost my son. This was the ultimate game changer. With the help of counseling and the support of loved ones I have come to realize that I need to make choices that are for me! How is this a change? Well, when I look at my past, there is nothing that I regret, and certainly wouldn’t change my marriage or children, but I do see times when I made decisions, not on what I wanted, but on what I felt was “right”.

So, now that I have begun to learn what this means I was actually put to the test a few weeks ago. I was given the chance to possibly get back teaching in a classroom. I was appreciative of the offer and felt good to be asked, but when I thought about it I said to myself, “I don’t want to be in a classroom again.” Since my last teaching job I had told the students I worked with that I was there to stay as a teacher. My students meant a lot to me. That was an honest statement. I told them I would only leave if it were to progress in my career and get an Assistant Principal job or something like that.

When I didn’t go back this past fall, I felt badly. I didn’t tell the kids, I didn’t even know I wasn’t going back. After my son passed I just couldn’t go work with adolescents again. It was too painful. To this day I have always hoped that they knew I wasn’t teaching at another school. So when this opportunity was presented, not only did I not want to be in the classroom again, I thought how much it would hurt those students who I had told I would be there for. I would have felt bad if they learned I was teaching at another school, not with them. I know this is what life is about, and that not all things go the way we plan, but when I declined the opportunity to get back in the classroom, I knew I was making the right decision. I felt good about it for myself, and for keeping my word to those children I hope I have touched in some way.