From my desk: 04/17/2020

I have a lot of questions…. Feel free to answer the questions that might pertain to you or that you have something to say about them….

Why can’t we hear about all the people who are recovered from COVID-19?

There are millions and billions of people in the world. I know that the amount of people who have died is in the hundred thousands. But what about the people who have survived it? There are days that I almost wish I would just get tested positive so I don’t have to wonder anymore. I know that is foolish but the daily scare is getting to me. I am keeping busy for the most part but the one thing I miss is seeing the few friends and family members who mean so much to me.

Why can’t it get warmer here in New England since it is already halfway through April?
It is already the 17th. Before you know it it is going to be May. Once June hits it starts to get warmer. I’m assuming there will be no open beaches this summer. I don’t see this ending anytime soon, but I would feel so much better if could sit outside in the sun and just be slightly warm. Most mornings it is still only in the forties!

How am I supposed to exercise when my entire body hurts all the time?
I have Psoriatic Arthritis. I wasn’t diagnosed until about four years ago. Before that I honestly thought I was slowly falling apart. I have had shoulder surgery, foot surgery, gall bladder surgery, hip surgery, a few female surgeries and a full hip replacement. The last time I saw my orthopedic doctor I told him my hip hurts. He said it is because I am overweight. I went on to tell him that in the past year and a half I lost my husband and my son. Well, now the second year anniversary of losing my husband is coming up. So, I guess I’m supposed to lose weight. All of my joints hurt.
When I first started really being in pain all the time I wasn’t sure if it was Lupus, FIbromyalgia, Rhuematoid Arthritis, or something else. So I guess it is good to have a diagnosis but it doesn’t do much to help with the pain. I got my Medical Marijuana license but I can’t do that all day, or can I? I am still learning.

How am I going to learn how to use Photoshop?
I have started reading Photoshop for Dummies, but I almost need to go to a class and have someone walk me through step by step, for a few weeks. Maybe once the world opens again I can find one. I have watched multiple tutorials but the minute I shut them off I am completely blank! Not to mention the tutorials give you pictures and all that. So how do I do all the same stuff with my pictures? Ugh, it is very confusing.

Why am I feeling so discouraged about my writing?
I write here on my blog every day. I write poetry mostly. I always wanted to write Children’s Picture books. I have four published books that I used a vanity press to publish. That was before I knew about publishing and how it worked. Now I like to write nonfiction. I just have the feeling that I am wasting my own time. Is that part of depression? Is that part of being stuck at home week in and week out? Maybe I am just tired and cranky!

Why do babies ever get sick?
I keep seeing the St. Jude commercials and it rips my heart out. Yes, I lost my son, maybe that is why it gets to me so bad.

Why are people cruel to animals?
I admit I come close to crying every time I see the commercial for the ASPCA. I cry when I see animal hoarders. I cry when I see Trophy Hunters. I cry when I look at those poor animals that all they do is give love and someone can actually hurt them. They are so helpless!

So…this is my brain…this is not my brain on drugs! Lol! I just question everything. Maybe it’s good, maybe not, either way, this is me!

14 Comments

  1. My heart goes out to you. I haven’t had the same losses, which must be painful, but I do have the same questions. I think we all do. I have what I call “Whying binges”. Why this, why that! I got up this morning still thinking it was all in my imagination. But its not…and I know. btw I’m putting pounds on too. Chocolate! etc etc etc lol
    Breathe deeply is my suggestion. It helps! So far WP has helped to lift my spirits! 💜💐

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, and mine too! I find it very cathartic to come on and read beautiful writing. I like interacting with everyone. It’s funny because a lot of times a post like that from yesterday just hits a lot of people because we are all thinking some of the same things now and again!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Jen. You know some days are harder than others being stuck home with so little options. I’m not super social or go out that much but it is the fact that we CAN’T go out that makes it annoying sometimes.

        Liked by 1 person

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