Today Merill hosts at dVerse Prosery the prompt where we write prose no longer than 144 words that has to include a given sentence from a poem.

“when it is over said and done
it was a time
and there was never enough of it.”

Which comes from the poem “A Time” by Allison Adelle Hedge Coke, You may punctuate as you wish but you are not allowed to change the order of the words or inserting more words.

August 17, 2020

My reflections

Looking at life, as it goes swiftly by, there are times that have come and gone, some of which I would beg to come back. Losing my husband then losing my son, were the worst days of my life. Now my life continues, and love has found me this time. My heart breaks for what I lost but also swells with hope for the future. I want to love again and be loved again. I still have people to love and show my love to. Tragedy is just that, tragedy. It reminds us to not take life for granted and to hold precious those moments when we are with people we love.  We don’t know what God has in store for us for our lives and “when it is over, said and done, it was a time and there was never enough of it”. 

©2020 CBialczak

My son’s story: Joseph Teo (11/10/99-07/06/2019)

My Son’s story 

Joey was born on November 10th, 1999. He was a big baby and so sweet from the minute he entered the world. His full name was Joseph Teo. We were going to name him Cassius (Cachous – I cannot remember the spelling) after his father’s grandfather. I wanted something a bit more modern, so we decided on Joseph. His middle name, Teo, was short for Teofil, Bob’s other grandfather. When Joey was about four or five, he told us he wanted to change his middle name to Teofil,  not our shortened version. He was always a character.  

Joey was brilliant! I am not just saying that because he was my son, he really was. At nine months old I found him standing on the dining room table calling out to me to see how high he had climbed. Arms out, screaming “Ma, Ma”! I tried so carefully to not get over excited and startle him, I did not want him to fall. He was a November birthday so we decided we would wait to start him in Kindergarten until he was turning six, what my parents did with me. It was in Nursery School that we realized we had made a mistake. That winter we started him in Kindergarten, with the assumption he would repeat because he had missed so much. By second grade he was terribly bored and asked if he could be in a different grade. We tried but the school refused to allow it. He was in groups like “Future Problem Solvers” and excelled. 

We moved to a new house and although he was still the same kid things were not as good for him. He was bullied starting in elementary school. He was bullied because he loved to learn. He loved making things and learning things, not running around playing shooting games or farting like little boys do! One time in maybe third grade he was being teased because he was dunking his Oreo in milk during after-school care. Of course, he was taught that this was the proper way to eat an Oreo! The kid would not stop, and I guess after a few comments Joey whipped his soggy Oreo at the kid and watched it slide down his face and neck. Good for Joey!  

In all academics he excelled, with Language Arts being his biggest struggle, since it is so subjective. He was a math kid, black and white, formulas… Bullying continued in Middle school but because it was mostly teasing from “friends” it was never taken seriously. There are a lot of painful memories about this time of his life that currently I am not ready to discuss.  

Anyhow, he went on to high school and did not do well in a traditional classroom. He was anxious and had depression.  I tried to help him in any way possible. He tried to take his own life at least once, if not more. 

Joey went to three different high schools before finding the perfect fit. By that time, he had to repeat his Junior year since he had missed a lot of it and needed the credits.  Although he always maintained almost perfect A’s in all classes his school did not offer credit based on absences. He went to his new school, which was a magnet school situated on the campus of a community college.  Upon entering he tested out of all high school courses so had to start college classes. He was earning college credit along with his high school diploma. He excelled.  

He took his SATs and got 800 on the math. A perfect score! At his memorial service, the college professor who taught a math class called Differentials said that Joey taught her a few things! He applied to a few colleges for Mechanical Engineering and although his most desired was Georgia Tech, he was declined being a five-year high schooler! He applied on his own and got into Florida Institute of Technology. He was really on a new trajectory. He graduated with high honors in June of 2019. At this time his father had been dead only a year. 

After his father had died in June 2018 from a medical complication, Joey was the man of the house. When I met David, who I had no intention of falling in love with but did anyways, we had some tension. He was staying with a friend of his shortly after graduating high school. He was scheduled to leave in August. After his dad died, Joey saved up enough money to buy himself an $8000 motorcycle in cash.  He took all the classes, got his license, and insurance. Some people blame me, I believe, because I did not forbid him from having a motorcycle. He was 18 and there was really nothing I could do. So, I supported him and begged him to be safe.  

He was working as a line cook that July. He was on his way home from work on a Tuesday night. He hit a truck pulling out of a side road and died at the scene. There is obviously more to this chain of events but again too painful to talk about right now.  That was one year and five days ago.  

I lost my son. My daughter lost her brother. He had so many friends, he did not even know it! I am and never will be whole again. I thank God I have my daughter and David.  

MTB: I am, The First Person Narrative

So for today’s prompt, compose a poem using “I am…” with a First Person narrative in any part of your verse.  Go experimental and creative with your “I am” poem.

I am still here

I am a turbulent wind blowing and moving and seeing no end in sight.
I am a raging fire burning with no ability to put the hot flames out. 
I am an ocean full of tears with no way of measuring how much water exists.  
I am an empty, broken eggshell with no way of getting put back together. 
I am a gray boulder sitting and waiting for someone to move me to a new place. 
I am also a bird flying free, without restrictions, able to make my very own decisions. 
I am still here, although alone, with memories being my only reminder.

©2020 CBialczak Poetry

Wordle #198

Wordle 198

Rhathymia- carefree behavior; light-heartedness.

Written for mindlovemiserysmenagerie:

me, now

When I think about the future 

I often want to wipe out some memories 

Of days that were black 

Where my mind felt twisted 

Because I am here now 

My rhathymia has disappeared 

I feel like each day I am in a slump 

Modelsque for the grieving 

Unable to illustrate the depth of pain 

My body swaying with the waves 

Which have now defined my days

My lust is not sexual

My need for peace is my desire

©2020 CBialczak Poetry

Shrouded by sadness

Even though the sun still shines and I have love all around me
There is a cloud that will not go away with the wind
will not disappear after the rain
And always blocks part of the sun
But he is with his father and will always be in my heart.

Walking through my days
Living for my present life
Sadness that won’t end

©2020 CBialczak Poetry


Today is July 1st which will eventually lead to July 16th and one year that my son died.

On my trip down to Florida I stopped at a gas station. At the pumps next to me were two guys on motorcycles. One was on a Harley, one a street bike, like my son’s. I don’t know what made me think of doing it but before I got back in my car I said, “Hey, Be careful. Drivers don’t watch out for motorcycles.” That was it. I just felt like I had to say that at that moment.

On my trip back from Florida a guy on a street bike was riding in front of me. He changed lanes and then ended up behind me. He was there for quite a few minutes. He then switched lanes again and passed me. I saw him ride off into the distance through my tears.

I am so grateful for the people who love me and those who help move that cloud a little to the side each day.

Thursday photo prompt

Sue Vincent is the host of Thursday Photo Prompt

Welcome to this week’s #writephoto prompt!

This week’s prompt ~ Soar

Wanting to soar

Will the wings of the geese carry me to you? 

Will the clouds in the sky hold me up to see you? 

Will the rain wash away my sorrow? 

Upon the wings of geese, I wish I could soar 

Upon the clouds I wish I could sit and wait for you 

Falling like rain my tears try to wash away sadness.  

For another day will bring sun 

Another day will be void of dark clouds 

And allow the geese to rest before flight.  

©2020 CBialczak Poetry

Two years

Two years have now passed
I still don’t know why
The love that I knew
went and said his goodbye.

I know that I’m strong
and the love that was there
will always exist
except now with a tear.

Now, I move on along
just one day at a time
knowing love doesn’t die
it is simply sublime.

My future still holds
the love that he gave me
I will remind my sad self
From his pain, he is now free.

©2020 CBialczak Poetry

Have you ever lost a child?

Have you ever lost a child?
Have you had to say goodbye to a being that had nothing but love for you?
Have you ever had to think of all the things that still needed to be done?
Have you ever said that only a child should bury a parent, never the other way around?

If you have ever lost a child
you wouldn’t care
what they looked like,
what clothes they wore,
what lovers they had, or
what made them happy.
You would love that they were alive.

I would take my son back
no matter what choices he ever wanted to make
no matter what mistakes he ever made
no matter how many times he messed up.

Think about it.
Why hate a person while they are alive
when you can’t do anything but cry
when they are gone?

©2020 CBialczak Poetry

Written for dVerse poets pub: Pride:

Secret: Thursday #writephoto

For Sue Vincent’s Thursday prompt:

Do you know you hold the key to my heart? 

When the darkness is overwhelming 
and I cannot let you in 
you know how to enter 
without intrusion 
only love 

When the sorrow is shattering 
and I cannot put the pieces  
back together 
on my own 
you know how to mend me 
without aversion 
only love 

When the angst is disheartening 
and I cannot shift my view 
to a positive light 
you know how to ignite 
without antagonism 
only love 

When secrets darken my vision
and truth cannot emerge
to allow healing
you know how to penetrate
without stipulations
only love

When happiness is amazing 
and I need to share 
with someone 
you know how to be there 
to join my exultation 
without asperity 
only love.  

©2020 CBialczak Poetry


On a day like today

On a day like today when I’m missing my son 
it’s hard to remember how to have fun. 

The sky starts to darken with not even  one cloud 
the silence is deafening even though it’s not loud. 

My  heart hurts today just as much  as it did 
When I had to learn that I just lost my kid.  

©2020 CBialczak Poetry