“What’s wrong with your father?” Alison asked Tim. “He seems in a particularly ornery mood tonight. And he’s had an awful lot to drink.”

“Oh pay him no mind,” Tim said. “He’s just pissed about the Christmas tree. He thinks it’s disrespectful.”

“Disrespectful?” Alison said. “I never knew your father was that religious.”

“Oh, it has nothing to do with religion,” Tim said. “He’s upset that we wasted all those roles of toilet paper and face masks.”

“Why does that bother him so much?”

“He’s still pissed about the toilet paper shortage in 2020 when he had to use newspapers to wipe his ass. Plus there was the face mask shortage that exposed him to COVID. He’s worried about those shortages recurring and thinks we’re being frivolous by using those materials for our Christmas tree.”

“Do you think he has a point?”

“No, he’s just being a grumpy old man…