As I sit here under bright lights with a man I used to know, at the age where death is okay, where modesty is nonexistent, where memories float away as quickly as the stars at dawn, where there is no longer an understanding of where we both should be…I think about my losses, too soon to be explained, too painful to recall, unnatural in God’s original plan, leaving a hole so deep, a void so wide, a darkness that will never see light…I wonder why I was chosen to exist here, why I was picked to be the one to hold on to the wrong hand, why a piece of me is left alone…As I sit here under bright lights the pain deepens, the sorrow floods in, and the unexplained only becomes more obscure…will there ever be an answer, an explanation, a truth to hold onto, knowing that life will continue beyond the bright lights but the questions will always remain?
I feel like I have been away from my blog for longer than it has probably been. This week has been a rollercoaster of emotions, things to do, desires, etc. This coming Sunday is my son’s birthday, he would have been 20. I am mentally preparing myself and I have made plans for Sunday so as to not curl up in bed in a vegatative state. Last night one of my son’s best friends was texting me and it was so nice to hear from someone who misses him like I do!
On a lighter note I have been doing a lot of writing and critiquing. I joined this website call Critique Circle and although I didn’t pay for the special membership I have almost all the same perks. To submit a story you must earn credits to “pay” for your submission. You earn credits by critiquing other peoples submissions. I submitted my story Hermit Crab’s Friends and got two critiques back. One was very critical but made me think of points I hadn’t considered. The second one was much “nicer” but that doesn’t always get you where you need to go. The second one I think was less critical because the crit (what they call you when you read a story) was in tune with my ideas and how I wanted them to come across in the book. Either way it is very valuable feedback and I have read quite a few interesting chapters of books that are in the process…
So far I have sent out about 30 query letters to agents. I have had a few quick rejections but that is to be expected they say. I am supposed to get my first 100 out before November 20th. I have a lot of work to do! This and all of my writing challenges! Well, if you need me you will know where to find me.
By the way, did I mention I have a new guinea pig? His name is Beary and he is so sweet. He loves to cuddle and talks my ear off! At night after we sit and chat I put him in his cage and he does this thing call “popcorning”. It means he is happy, or so they say! He just jumps around. I will post a picture as soon as I get one transferred onto my computer.
Have a peaceful day! Please keep in touch with any ideas, comments, suggestions, etc….
I didn’t realize, until the shock wore off, that it was the damned alarm clock that was haunting my dreams, not the fire alarm I thought I had to respond to or the security alarm at Walmart telling me I was shoplifting!
He came down from the mountains as autumn aged, before the paths could pile with snow and the bridges bowed with ice.
It was not until he reached the surface, not icy just covered with a layer of frost, that he began to realize it would be his last time crossing over to the other side. How many times had he done this in his lifetime? Hundreds, maybe thousands of time.
He recalled the summers he spent with his family up here in the woods. He and his brother would run across this rickety bridge without thinking twice about its safety. From one side of the river to the next, searching for treasures and hidden places. He and his brother would crawl through the the fern and fallen trees in hopes of finding a fairy home or troll tunnel.
But for now he would just cross this old bridge once more. He didn’t think it was strong enough to carry him more than once across. Those days of trips back and forth are long gone. Silly adventures and fairies and trolls were now outgrown. He wouldn’t see this bridge or these woods ever again. How had life gotten so far away from him and all of the simple pleasures he had as a child? Today was the day to say goodbye, to not look back, and to have no regrets for the changes he was making.