Two days ago, I had to struggle through my son’s twentieth birthday in Heaven. No matter how it is phrased, no matter what my faith tells me, it makes no sense to me. Today I sat and thought about people who die when they have an illness. Why do they have to be sick? We don’t know. They say God knows. When we see people, we love, suffer any sort of sickness it hurts. When someone who is sick dies, people often say that the person is in a better place. What place is better than with people who love them?
Where do I go with this? When someone dies in an accident can one say they are in a better place? What do you say to yourself or someone else to make them find peace? Is there any peace in death? If my faith is true, then both my husband and my son are in a better place. Wherever they are they are free of emotional and physical pain, they are living in perfection, they are engulfed with peace.
Through my blogging, I have met some people who have been what I have been through. Losing a spouse is a horrible, lonely thing. All the plans are thrown to the wind. All the growing old is no longer happening. Being married long enough for people to say, “Wow! That is a long time!”, doesn’t exist. Losing a child is so different. It is a loss that feels endless, that feels like it engulfs your whole being and tries to swallow it in one bite. It is a physical pain in your heart that you feel like you could grab and take out of your body and physically hold. I wish I could do that. I would throw it as far as I could and run in the other direction.
My situation is a bit different than others; in thirteen months my life was tossed twice! If you or someone you know is hurting, send them my way, I feel better each time I talk to someone about how I feel. If there is nothing else that can help, support can at least lessen some of the immediate pain.
Peace to you all and my hopes for your health and happiness.