All I wanted was a few minutes peace.

I begged, pleaded, then took action.

Tantrums, tears and screams ensued.

I shoved cotton wool into my ears.

I was heartless.

I pummelled, and squeezed, and filled bags.

There was mess. There was gore. And pain.

I dragged, pulled and pushed. Shoved, and prodded.

Until at last, under pain of death, they were subdued.

And I at last had peace.

Before I’d sorted them out, the children had been playing at beach picnics.

And so, the ideal ‘at home’ beach break was already in place.

Hot water with bath salts to soak my feet.

An ice cold lager.

The studio lamp, full frontal and it was like I was holidaying in Spain.

Then the icing on the cake. Chelsea vs Arsenal, premier league action on my device.

Only 6 hours before the fight re-commences.

When my darling children return from school…