What is Transience?
Neither here nor there,
Neither coming nor going
Always on call.
Not in the upstairs nor in the downstairs,
Not at work or at home
I am going to be joining a grief support group. I had to choose the “loss of a spouse” or “loss of a child” group and chose the “loss of a child” group. I think this has been more difficult to process than losing my husband. Not that either is easy. I began with watching a video by David Kessler. He talks about the five stages of grief. https://www.davidkesslertraining.com/
One of the points David Kessler makes at the beginning of his online webinar really hit home with me, hence why I am sharing. He said that “grief must be witnessed”. My interpretation of this, based on what he said, is only a simplified version: When someone in our life dies, we are devastated, but life around us continues as normal. This is hard to deal with because it doesn’t just move on for us. He told a story about a village, I can’t remember where the story came from, and that if one person died in the village then that night every person in the village would move one item outside their home, so it is noticeable. I am awful at retelling stories! Anyhow, the point of it is that when the grieving person wakes up in the morning, they see all the changes and it says to them that “see, we are all changed by your loss, it is not you alone.”
This whole thing made a big impact on me as I don’t have tons of people to talk to. My husband passed away a year and a half ago, my mother died 25 years ago, my father has dementia, my stepmother won’t talk about death because it is too sad, one of my sisters stopped calling me, and life has just continued for so many people. I left my job and it didn’t seem to bother the school at all that they were losing me. I don’t know what, if any, of my feelings of loneliness are valid or not, but they are here. I thank God for David and Lindsay. I am thankful to all of my friends who have been supportive and have not expected me to “be over it” already. Honestly, it feels like I will never be over it.
Some day I would like to open a local chapter for the group Bereaved Parents. https://grief.com/grief-support-group-directory/loss-child-parents-grandparents/. I know I am not ready now but would like to be helpful to others in the future. Two losses in thirteen months and I feel like a crazy person. The good thing I am learning is that feeling this way is okay, I have a good reason. If you feel like talking or know someone who has lost a spouse or child, pass my name on.
Peace to you all and hopefully this information will help someone else who is grieving.