One day at a time

So many of you know that I lost my son this past summer. I will never be the same. I lost my husband last year and I wasn’t the same after that. Losing my son is so different and this first year, all the “firsts” are the hardest. His birthday is coming up. He would have been twenty. I cry everyday. I write so that I have some outlet.

I have met a few women who have lost their sons too. I constantly think about all of the parents who have lost children. Sandy Hook. Cancer. Accidents. I cannot comprehend the purpose that losing a child could possibly have. I am told that God has reasons for what happens. I believe that. If He had taken my son first, my husband would have never survived losing his son. But I continue to question, why? Why my son? Why, after just losing his father?

I have a beautiful relationship with my daughter that I cherish more than I ever knew I could. I have a wonderful partner who holds me when I cry, laughs when I do something silly, and just sits and listens to my endless jabbering or story telling. I am thankful for what I have.

I guess the hardest part of all this, besides the pain of a broken heart, is that the rest of the world continues and moves forward while you sit in agony and watch time pass by. I am still trying to live my life, I have to, there really is no other choice. But when someone asks “how are you?”, what am I really supposed to say?

7 thoughts on “One day at a time

  1. I’m sorry for your losses. You really got the double whammy. Losing a child Is devastating. I lost my granddaughter 10 years ago & often think how she would be now. She was 34 days old. My daughter, the same mom, lost another child in August. Still-born at 5 months. So I’ve los 2 granddaughters. But we have 3 beautiful granddaughters that live pretty healthy lives. You are not alone. I pray for your healing and that you find your agent & publisher.

    Liked by 1 person

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