Can you hear their cries, the cries of joy and of pain? Do you see the remnants of the lives that no longer have a place to live? Who took it all away and left the walls to hold the secrets?
Day: October 16, 2019
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To Not Desire Dreams
Play in your dreams tonightÂ
or so you suggestÂ
to those who are willing to Â
try the impossibleÂ
of sleep with a dream.Â
Â
What of the nightmares that Â
so possess my mindÂ
that fight with my worldÂ
to show that I am not Â
fighting for a jobÂ
or trying to wait on that last table.Â
Â
What about the memoriesÂ
that only come in sleepÂ
to make the daysÂ
even worse than those before,Â
to darken the morning hours before dawn.Â
Â
The dreams for all are not Â
majestic nor to desire.Â
They are for the darker sideÂ
of your mindÂ
always coming outÂ
even when not invited. Â
Â
Wednesday, Overcast
So I find myself at home more often than before. I thought I would be enjoying my life in the warmth of a southern state, but as life has dealt me this hand, I must stay in New England for yet another winter. It is cold. I know it is only autumn and the cold hasn’t come yet but I cannot shake the chill. I add layers, put up the thermostat, and find blankets. I think some of the chill is in my mind. When you are not doing what you had “planned” it is hard to find a new road to take.
Now I find that I am searching for that new road. I can’t go backward. I sit here shivering, not wanting to go forward either. Is that healthy? I suppose, no. But, here I find myself wondering what my next step should be.
Perhaps someday I will pour out my feelings in a memoir and that will explain it all. That is what I think, at least. But life continues whether you are ready or not. Everyone around you continues. Is it someone’s warped sense of humor to put me in this state of limbo? Well, if it is, could you please stop? It isn’t very funny!