Can you hear their cries, the cries of joy and of pain? Do you see the remnants of the lives that no longer have a place to live? Who took it all away and left the walls to hold the secrets?
Day: October 16, 2019
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To Not Desire Dreams
Play in your dreams tonight
or so you suggest
to those who are willing to
try the impossible
of sleep with a dream.
What of the nightmares that
so possess my mind
that fight with my world
to show that I am not
fighting for a job
or trying to wait on that last table.
What about the memories
that only come in sleep
to make the days
even worse than those before,
to darken the morning hours before dawn.
The dreams for all are not
majestic nor to desire.
They are for the darker side
of your mind
always coming out
even when not invited.
Wednesday, Overcast
So I find myself at home more often than before. I thought I would be enjoying my life in the warmth of a southern state, but as life has dealt me this hand, I must stay in New England for yet another winter. It is cold. I know it is only autumn and the cold hasn’t come yet but I cannot shake the chill. I add layers, put up the thermostat, and find blankets. I think some of the chill is in my mind. When you are not doing what you had “planned” it is hard to find a new road to take.
Now I find that I am searching for that new road. I can’t go backward. I sit here shivering, not wanting to go forward either. Is that healthy? I suppose, no. But, here I find myself wondering what my next step should be.
Perhaps someday I will pour out my feelings in a memoir and that will explain it all. That is what I think, at least. But life continues whether you are ready or not. Everyone around you continues. Is it someone’s warped sense of humor to put me in this state of limbo? Well, if it is, could you please stop? It isn’t very funny!
